Listen to my Stories...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009 ♥ 3:35 AM
Cant really think of a title...
feelin lost...
such a long time since i post an entry...
lots of things to say...
an unfix big jigsaw puzzle in my mind now...
bz with final presentation...
project preparation...
final report...
kinda fustrated...
family prbms...
past week...rain...eye twitchin...
whether in train...bus or my room...
will look up into the sky...
hopin the rain end soon...
the rain goes wif my mood...
feelin dwn...
emptiness...
never had gd r/s wif dad...
whatever he did...i never meddled in his affairs...
illegally/legal...
still tryin to digest the latest *stunt* (cant think of a better word)
dad left...
left us...
leavin behind 18k debts...
went phillipines...
with a girl...
3mnths pregnant...
really lost...
2nd time in my life that when i stood up...
the head is spinnin...
cant seem to stand properly...
lots of flashbacks in the mind...
mind really blank now...
the vision blurred...
i was the last person in the family to see him...
was slpin ard 9,10am...thurs...
dad come back(he moved out some time ago)
half awake...he told me...
anythin can email him...he will check his mail daily...
then he left...i said gd bye b4 he leaves the hse...
n that was my last gd bye...
n the gd bye that u didn know he wun return anymore...
there isnt any proper gd bye...
these feelins really cant be felt unless its happenin on u...
lots of weird feelins...
the gd bye...
my eyes were still closed...
didn see him leave...n just shout bye bye...
hearin the door close...
n suddenly becomes a brother...yet the mum is not my mum...
my mum is in her bedroom now....
not sure is she aslp??
or like me...tryin to digest everythin...
n worse...mum still dont know the girl is pregnant...
as young adults...i shld b handlin such situation well...
but i m not prepared...really not prepared...
thinkin more matured than sis...yet mind blank now...
while sis snorin away in her room...
i m soft...really wan to let out...
to cry or somethin...
it feels like theres somethin in me...
very uncomfortable...
those weird feelins...
the blank mind...
i m calm....but my mind isnt...
what shld i do now??
tried distractin myself...not helpin...
went swimmin to relax...
initiatlly helps...
lookin at spoiled brats shoppin...
jealous/envious yet pissed...
every week buy...buy...buy...
n they complained no space for clothins...
n their world only revolves ard them...
while ppl like me...
still need to think of grandma...docs appointment...
uncle havin "stones" in his tummy...
send them for checkup...
runnin errants...
what can i do now??
debts...sch fees...bills...
i m tired...but cant seem to slp...
this feelin is exactly the same when Clara broke up with me...
what must i do??
be braver than mum n sis...
even though dad chose this path...
i may be disappointed...lost...
all i can do is respect his decision...
afterall hes my dad...
where are you? Father
♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥